i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
someone owes me an orgasm
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
