what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
