can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
