the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We left an ass print on the piano.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
