you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
