I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
