Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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