I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wish my penis had an off switch
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
