Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
