I can tuck mytits in my pants
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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