Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
