I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
