just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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