I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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