the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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