Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
