i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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