she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
