So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
