Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
