tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just tell him i said nine months
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
