Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
