Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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