Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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