Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
