I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
