Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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