ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
