if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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