All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
