I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
