so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
