Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
