did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
