why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
