just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
