Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
