i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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