I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
