Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
