my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
