I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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