he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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