im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
