i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
