You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
