I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
