I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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