She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
