This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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