You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
